That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
