WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
