so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
