Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
