Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
