Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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