...so i touched it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
