A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
