That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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