I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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