Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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