Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize