M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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