i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
