Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
