did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
