Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
