My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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