He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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