Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
