do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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