I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
