You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
