Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
people are starting to question the shark bite story
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
did i just pee glitter
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
