he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
