I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
