We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
