First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize