Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
