My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
