So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
