just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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