I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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