She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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