I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
