question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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