The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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