The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
