Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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