It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
