I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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