Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
