if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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