either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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