Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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