Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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