What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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