I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
