we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
