this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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