All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
