We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
