I wish I only lived at night.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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