she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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