Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
