Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
