I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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