We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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