Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
