Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
