Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
