i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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